Are you feeling stuck in conflict and disconnection in your relationship?
Are you longing to rekindle the love and passion that once held you and your partner together and seems to have been lost?
Do you want to feel deeply intimate and close, able to meet any challenge that life throws at you together?
Seeking therapy as a couple is a huge step. You may have been caught in a negative cycle for months, years, or even decades, and then finally the hurt you are enduring from one another becomes bearable no longer. It takes an enormous amount of bravery to reach out when you are in a vulnerable state and share your story and your trust with a stranger. You don't have to stay stuck in this dance with your partner. You both want to love each other well, and in therapy we can help you develop the tools needed to get unstuck and stop this dance that is causing you and the person you love most in the world to hurt so deeply. What is not working in your relationship CAN be fixed.
In therapy you will learn what you and your partner do when you each feel insecure and hurt and how to change that negative pattern to one in which hurt leads to bonding and emotional safety. Together we will create a shared language to talk about the challenges in your relationship and to build bonding moments through what we call in Emotionally Focused Therapy, "Hold Me Tight conversations". Emotional intimacy fuels love and when couples stop sharing deeply with one another it starves love. So we will feed your love through guided embodiment and authentic relating practices to deepen your connection and bring passion and electricity back to life.
We are bonding mammals. Our nervous systems are wired for attachment. And as the famous psychotherapist John Bowlby said, "The most powerful instinct of all is to reach for another human being." Love is wired to keep the people that matter close to you, and in therapy we will learn ways to do this that nourish your deepest needs and longings so that your partnership is freed up to breathe again.
Our society exalts independence, but being human means we are dependent on other people. In couples therapy we help you create constructive dependency, the sense that “we are stronger together”. We learn how to stand on our own two feet AND lean on those who we love and need the most. We don’t just change marital satisfaction, we change how securely bonded couples are, which translates to increased satisfaction in sex, communication, and the relationship as a whole. We use the relationship as a way to create a secure style of attachment in each partner. People with a secure attachment are more confident, assertive, and take in information differently because they are emotionally balanced.
In couples therapy with me I will help walk you through embodiment and communication practices to enliven and deepen your relationship. I support couples to have a safe space to express what otherwise might be pushed underground and to create a relationship based on authenticity, love and compassion, and desire. I draw from Eastern practices of Tantra and Sexual Polarity as well as the empirically-validated Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT). We use these tools and our therapeutic alliance to create a safe and empowered place for you to explore new ways to express your hopes, fears, and desires and to embody your essence within your relationship.
Want to understand how you and your partner get stuck and how to come back to connection? This video by another Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist can help you learn about what we will do in therapy to help you and your partner stop conflict and disconnection and build the relationship that is a safe haven and secure bond that you've been longing for.
Build connection in your relationship and work through difficulties with this online program using evidence-based effective couples therapy techniques. Great as a stand-alone or an adjunct to therapy.
Here is the story of how Matt and Mellissa benefited from support with me.