A Journey from Disconnection to Connection

​I grew up in the middle class suburbs of Los Angeles raised half Roman Catholic and half Jewish. My family would go to church most Sunday's and the major holidays. I celebrated Shabbat and separated milk from meat when visiting my New York grandmother in Florida. I learned to play dreidel in preschool and went to Catechism each week in elementary school. As a preteen I decided it would be wrong to get Confirmed. I didn't believe there is this one and only God, I thought. So if I get confirmed then it would actually be a lie and if there is a God that would be wrong. I began rejecting the Judeo-Christian God I was taught. That God and those experiences only left me feeling hollow, confused, and like I could never be good enough. I remember fearfully reciting a prayer at night before bed..."Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the lord my soul to keep. And if I die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take," hoping that the words themselves would not create the impending death and thievery of my soul that this hard-to-please and fickle God could snatch on a whim. Then during the day I'd go to school and eat KRAFT mac and cheese for dinner, watch sitcoms in the evening and get clothes from Kmart on the weekend.  I felt alone and bored and empty. Even amidst a full family and doing well in school. Disconnection was setting in.....

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